For Sale at Christmastime: Terrifying Fireplace

OH NO! What HAPPENED here? This gives me the heebie-jeebies. What on earth has been incinerated here? It looks like cobwebs but also kind of like someone smashed Grandpa's urn here. Or maybe a whole bunch of Grandpas. It would take more than one broken urn to leave that much dust. I'll tell you what, though. If I were Santa, I'd just skip this place. I wouldn't want to land in that.

For Sale at Christmastime: A New Angle on Life

This house will really change things for us, honey. I can tell. Here, perch on this dining room chair with me. Wait, I want to shove it into the corner first. Now, isn't that a beautiful view of the den? It's the same view the realtor captured in the photos. I could just stand on this chair in this corner for the rest of our lives. 

Come on over here, sweetie. Crouch on the floor behind this potted plant with me and look back over there, where we were. Just think. If this was our home, we could play this little game all day. I'll stand on the chair in the corner and you crouch behind this plant. Oh, you're right. The furniture won't convey. Well, that's okay. We'll have our own furniture and potted plants to climb on and crouch behind. 

Look, a hall bathroom! No, I don't want to see inside of the room. Just knowing it exists is enough. I glimpse a toilet. I'm sure it's fine. If there was anything worth seeing in there, the realtor would have photographed it. Right?

Baby, you can't even imagine the way we're going to contort in order to see our new stairwell from this angle. I'm sure if the realtor could do it, we can too. No, I don't know how to levitate. Shut up; there's got to be a way. Maybe she was balancing on the railing. What? You think her body falling from the railing is probably what caused all that cracking on the floor below? Don't be silly. That tile is done that way on purpose, and if she'd fallen and broken all the bones in her body there's no way she'd have had the willpower to upload all these photos.

And yes, it does seem like a lot of doors and doorways all crammed into one four-foot-square area, now that you mention it.

What a beautiful yard. I think she must have been dangling from the DirecTV satellite. Here, hold my purse; I'm going to try it. What? Let go of me. Oh, shoot. The window-screen is screwed in place. Nevermind. She must have scaled up the outside of the house to get the shot.

No, I don't want to go out into the yard to squat by the air conditioner. It might charge at me. Look at its little cup-legs! I wonder if it is related to R2D2. R2D2 was pretty sensible, wasn't he? If so, that bodes well for this air conditioner.

Final verdict: It's a nice place, honey. I like it. We'd have to repaint some rooms, purchase a tiny palm tree for the den, and possibly never use the bathrooms, but I like it. Put it on the list!